I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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