Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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