I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
