When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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