You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
