Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
