Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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