I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize