Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
jump out the window naked night went bad
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
