We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
