Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
