Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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