Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She announced her abortion via fbk
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
