do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
