Well douche your snatch and let's go!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
