bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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