Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
