Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
