just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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