Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
