Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
