All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
