I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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