Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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