fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
