If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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