we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
