dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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