No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
