We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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