he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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