Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
