She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
