Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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