I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize