just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
