So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Life is so much better after having sex.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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