in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
