Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
