so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize