I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize