I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
