I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
