I want you more than these girls want KFC
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My feet surprised me
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
