My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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