I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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