She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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