It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
