You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
