help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just found puke in my bra..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
