Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
