talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize