'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
