he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
