i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
