I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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