Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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