Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
