I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
