and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
