Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
