My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
