4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
