Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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