I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
NoShamevember. You game?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
