oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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