I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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