If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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