Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
