there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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