omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
