Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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