Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
