I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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