Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize