So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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