how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We are all done wearing pants today
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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