So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
