Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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