K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the day after is always just damage control
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
