Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
operation have a gay friend backfired
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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