then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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