Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
