the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
